A little under a week ago, I wrapped up my first ever workshop production of my first musical! I have been working on Reason to Be for a little over 2 years now (while being a full-time computer science and mathematics student) so I have been working towards this for a long time. If you told me four years ago that by the time I graduated college I would have written and produced (and acted in) a full-length musical, I would not believe you. I would be even more shocked to find out that I did all that, and also published two papers, and also started an affinity group for asexual and aromantic people, and also was class president, and a bunch more random things like tutoring and starting a walking club and organizing parties for the CS department and an educational YouTube channel. It’s really crazy to think about all of that.
Theater and computer science have always been huge parts of my life. I started acting when I was 8, which was also the same age I started coding in Scratch. My growth in these two areas paralleled each other: as I started acting in musicals in middle school, I also graduated from Scratch to Javascript. In high school I began to learn about tech, design, and directing at the same time I was learning about object-oriented programming, web development, and machine learning. Outside of classes, I spent equal time coding and rehearsing.
I had contemplated a theater double-major at some point in high school. And I did look at the theater programs of the schools I was applying to. But when it came down to deciding a major for college, the choice was obvious: choose computer science. Because if I have two passions of equal interest, choose the one that makes money.
Other people I know who did theater in high school stopped during college. Part of me thought this would be me, but I could never stay away from theater. I acted in a mainstage production my freshman fall (while taking something like 5 STEM classes and doing research at the same time, do not recommend) as well as a student production in my sophomore fall. In the spring, I co-directed a radio production of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar and junior year was of course spent writing, and senior year writing and producing. Even though done all this theater through college still, it wasn’t until writing and producing Reason to Be until I realized that theater is not just some childhood endeavor, it always has been and always will be a core part of my being. To be honest, I always felt like a mediocre actor. I grew up with a lot of raw talent around me so I usually paled in comparison, but I was okay with that. Knowing I was a mediocre actor made it easy to choose computer science.
But after taking Music Theory I, and then Music Theory II, and then writing song after song, I realized that I’m good at this. Writing, composing, putting words to pitches and evoking a feeling that can only be felt and not described—that is something that I’m good at. My whole life I have struggled with feeling like I’m not really good at anything. I’m pretty good at a lot of things, like I’m pretty good at math, and I’m pretty good at coding, I can draw decently, and I can sing and act okay too. But I was never really good. I got As in my math classes but never won math competitions. I could draw better than most people but not as good as the 15-year old creating gallery-worthy drawings. I was always cast in plays but never as the lead. Some people reading this might think I’m ungrateful, and that I should be happy that I’m a “jack of all trades,” even if I’m a “master of none.” Many of you who grew up with Asian immigrant parents will know that being a “jack of all trades, master of none” is not enough and breeds a lifelong feeling of inadequacy. Anyways, my point is that after feeling like this for so long, I finally found something that I feel that I’m good at. Not just in a jack-of-all-trades kind of way, but good in a way that I’m uniquely good at—and ironically, something that I feel makes me uniquely good at songwriting is that I’m a jack-of-all-trades. Experiencing the world as a scientist as well as an artist gives me a perspective that isn’t too common in theater (or science for that matter) and these dual perspectives make my work in these respective fields stronger.
I’m excited to begin my multi-year data science PhD journey in the fall. I’m not entirely certain on what I want to study yet, but it will be something related to human-computer interaction and education. My current idea has to do with linear algebra diagrams. I have been thinking about education for years, so I am excited to study it in a formal way and hopefully make a postivie contribution in this field. At the same time, I know that Reason to Be will also be a huge part of my life during this time. There is nothing that brings me more joy or fulfillment in this world than creating musical theater. I am proud of the work I have put in so far, but there still is a long way to go. Will there be string quartet parts? Will IVANA get to sing? Will Kyle pass his intro chemistry course? Will there ever be a professional production? Stay tuned if you want to find out!
As a computer scientist (I guess a data scientist now) and a theater artist—this is how I choose my fate :).